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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  October 5, 2012 7:30pm-8:00pm PDT

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captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome to the daily show, we have a good program. my name is jon stewart. my guest one william james bill o'reilly will be discussing his book killing kennedy which i can only assume is a confession. let's get right to, it. we know this is a deeply divided nation, until last night when something brought all americans together in agreement. >> president obama took a shell acting. >> he was not properly prepared for this. >> the president didn't bring his a game. >> he was just so dull. >> he looked tired to me. >> romney won hands down. >> he was very, very bad
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last night. >> jon: there is no red america there is no blue america there is only the america that can't believe how bad this guy did in the debate. how bad was the defeat o bama lost despite mitt romney doing this. >> i'm sorry, i will stop the sub sid to pgs. i like big board, i like few, but i'm not going to keep on spending money on things to borrow money from china to pay for it. >> jon: mother [bleep] fired big board. america's favorite nonfried bird. he fired big board and won. beloved children's character. romney could have water boarded aladdin, put down blue, deported dora the explorer. and still won walking away. romney won with the sound up. >> your title of the president of your own airplane, house and facts.
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>> jon: romney won with the sound off. dude, he's yelling at you. look up. look up! what are you looking at? what are you writing that's so important? what are you doing-- oh, that's not-- oh, i didn't realize that is impressive work. i didn't realize that. (applause) maybe you could give that to mitt romney as a souvenir of the night he crushed you in that debate. (laughter) and here's the thing, obama lost even though romney was lying his ass off the entire night. >> on medicare for current retirees, he's cutting $716 billion from the program. >> jon: not gutting $716 from the program. he is negotiating payments to providers and insurance companies, aka the exact same thing that is in paul ryan's budget plan. >> you put $9 o o-- $90 billion into green jobs, and these businesses, many of them are going out of business. i think about half of them of the ones that have been invested in, have gone to business.
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>> jon: well, almost half, out of nearly three dozen, three of them have been cut out so that is almost half except aka nowhere [bleep] near half. >> the president said we cut the deficit in half. unfortunately he doubled it. >> jon: 1.2 trillion when he took office t is 1.1 trillion now. mr. president are you just going throat him roll you. >> mr. president, two minutes. >> when i walked in the oval office i had more than a trillion dollar deficit greeting me. and we know where it came from. yes, when to take some initial emergency measures to make sure we didn't slip into a great depression. let's make sure we are cutting out those things that are not helping us grow. 18 programs are-- medical fraud in medicare, cut a trillion dollars out of our discretionary domestic budget. the specifically specific $4 trillion deficit reduction plan t is on the web site. you can look at all the numbers. let me just finish this point because are you looking for contrast. >> way over two minutes.
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>> sorry (laughter) >> jon: you went over your time? and you somehow managed in all that overtime to not turn and look your opponent in the lie and just mention what he said was untrue? not even a quick sneeze before your answer, no need to be coy, let me see if i can come up with a two minute answer that might have been more effective. liar! lie, lie, liar, lie, lie, liar, lie, lie, lie, lie, liar. lie romney lie! romney lie, lie. your time is up. >> shot your fat pie hole lehrer. optimism he-- i'm account command never chief, i don't take orders from tote bag johnnie. lie, lie, lie. what did you think lehrer was going bail you out. hold romney's feet to the fire. lehrer spent the night trying to figure out who was
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who. >> what are the differences between the two of you as to how would you go about tackling the deficit. >> dow believe there is a fundamental difference between the two of you as to how you view the mission of the federal government? do you see a major difference between the two of you on social security? what is the difference. >> let's move to health care where i know there is a clear difference. (laughter) >> jon: you are both around the same heights. is there a difference in your weight? is there-- i see energywise there's a difference. this gentleman here, appears to be on ambien and the other gentleman appears to have tried caffeine for the first time in his life. you guys noticed that too. seriously, it's like minutes before the debate scott bacula quantum leap mood lehrer's body and then had to figure out where the [bleep] he was. all right, two people on stage,s they are's an audience. what is the difference between them. and then bacula is like dean stockwell, am i here to
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prevent a crime or what the hell is going on around here. anyway my point is, quantum leap was a really good show. (laughter) anyway, here's the saddest part. despite romney's best efforts at lying the only category obama defeated romney in was the biggest lie of the night. >> i'm not going to grade the two of you and say your answers have been too long or i have done a poor job. >> you have done a great job (laughter) >> jon: look, you know, i don't get this. i honestly don't get this, mr. president, you seem either annoyed to be there or reluctant to make your case because i'm assuming you have a case can. which would be a whole other issue. you know, i hate to do this to you, sir, command never chief, hi, mr. president. (laughter) you know, look, i know you probably dread having to spend 90 minutes debating some knuckle head from harvard who is just going t to-- all night.
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believe me, i know. i've been there, or will be saturday at 8:00. (cheers and applause) no camera on in the green room, right? but you know, mr. president, every one has parts of their jobs that they don't like as much. but they still have to do those things if they want to keep those jobs. and if you don't want to do it for yourself, think of your supporters. look what your performance did last night to one of them. >> i don't know what was doing out there. i don't know how he let romney get away with the crap he threw out. what was he doing tonight? he went in there disarmed? where was obama tonight? >> jon: you happy? mr. president, you broke chris matthews. now nobody can use him. (applause) admittedly mathews is runs a
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not a machine, everyone knows he is a simple potato battery. but still, he likes you. and even the people who don't like you were some what stunned at the poor performance. even osama bin laden from the bottom of his watery grave watched and was like that's the guy that killed me? (laughter) really? mr. look down at the paper all night, shot me in the face. here's what's perhaps most maddening. for the past year and a half you, mr. president, have inundated this country with urgent e-mails begging for support and money and energy and money and money and money. and it's not just the number of e-mails, it's the intensity of their content this is our one shot. say you're in. your response is critical. i can't do this on my own. and by the way, you made that you bund antley clear last night-- but the point is this, you and your
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campaign have demanded a level of effort, urgency and relentlessness from your supporters. a level of urgency and relentlessly you failed to display in a national presidential debate. shouldn't your urgency and passion be on par with the urgency and passion of your e-blasts? or are you not on your mailing list. i'm telled to leave with you the wise words of a noted actor whose campaign viral video has been forwarded to my in-box 1900 times by some few of our passionate followers. i believe it goes a little something like this. >> wake the [bleep] up. (cheers and applause)
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(cheers and applause) >> welcome back. now the consensus on the president's performance last night seems to be light a
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match. which can only mean one thing, it's time once again to-- this may be the least shiny turn ever made. someone on a strict diet of cement and talc it was pretty dull. first strategy, read definition n the layman president obama looked lethargic and out of it but accord together turd-- it wasn't lethargy. >> president obama handled himself with that dignified reserve that we have all seen as part of who president obama is. >> the president has always had a certain dignified reserve and i think that's one of the admirable qualities about the president. >> jon: yes t was dig need reserve. >> a lady doesn't debate. the guy is fighting to save his job, save dignified reserve for-- how about going on the offensive. maybe obama was lethargic
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but what about the other guy. >> i think romney might have had a theatrical aggression. i think for folk as home it came across a little testy. >> jon: i think you misheard. i think 9 folks at home are saying it looks like just one guy up there has testes. all right. time for the fine grit sand paper of turd policy. this is not the turd you were looking for. >> you feel pretty good about the president's performance here tonight. he wasn't speak together people in this room. he wasn't speaking to the pundit class. he is speaking to people at home. >> his target was that undecided voter, tuning in, in the suburbs of denver, sitting down on the couch with their family, to the campaign for the first time. and i think he really reached those voters. >> jon: yes, the undecided first time sitting on a couch in denver voter. he reached that voter, that totally exists. they tell so you themselves but like january braddy's mysterious boyfriend george glass, they are in canada right now. pretty lackluster policy
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guy, get creative. try just going ross perot on that [bleep]. >> romney's problem is that this debate is in 2012, not 1812. >> he gave a great testimony but week indicted for perjury. mitt romney are committed himself to things that the right and renot going live up to. a fish would not get caught if they kept their mouth shut. >> jon: here's -- >> here's your problem. here's your problem, i can tell you right up straight, here is what the president did that was wrong f a frog had a helicopter he wouldn't need a bicycle, he is? -- see? hear me out. mitt romney is a bug in a conner like a chicken in a smoothie factory, doesn't make sense. si have no idea what he was talking about but at least for a few seconds, i was happy. i guess when all else fails you can also play the wild card. >> obama arrived in denver at 2 p.m. today, just a few hours before the debate started. when you go to 5,000 feet. >> exactly.
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>> nd you only have a few hours to adjust-- . >> jon: the at 250ud-- altitude? yes f only barack obama had been to denver before he would know the mile high city would be his water loop, he has never performed that well that far above sea level, oh wait. >> america, he cannot turn back. not with so much work to be done. not with so many children to educate, and so many veterans to care for, and god bless the united states of america.
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(cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome back, my guest host of the fox news channel riley factor. his new book called killing kennedy, the end of camelot please welcome back mr. bill o reilly. -- (cheers and applause)
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>> so must have been nice times to see fox news videos last night. do you think there will be a fox news obama debate baby boom for all the -- >> whatever dow mean, stewart. >> jon: were you guys excited back there. >> were we guy, i mean are we all the same? is that what you are implying here? >> jon: yeah, were you guys-- (laughter) all right, let's talk about your book s what, killing kennedy. >> correct. >> jon: and this is, i am assuming you are confessing to something in here. >> not me. >> jon: this is your second book, killing lincoln. >> killing lincoln was a huge success. still on the-- (laughter) >> jon: i see. >> you know. >> jon: hum il sit an important quality in an author. (laughter)
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>> it's on the best-seller list for 54 weeks, killing lincoln. >> jon: i'm looking forward. >> so i just accurately mention it. >> jon: you did. >> and you --. >> jon: no, no, no i wasn't -- >> you were. >> jon: i was merely giggling. >> mocked something i saw earlier. >> jon: no. >> this is what you have-- have in dmon with its president, mocking success. >> jon: yes, we mock success,. >> you both do it. >> jon: we mock success. you know there should be more americans writing assassination novels. >> conditions killing kennedy, killing lincoln. >> not a novel, by the way. >> jon: no, this is not fiction. >> killing lincoln was fiction this is real. >> no, no, both are nonfiction. >> jon: okay. we'll see. so you got killing lincoln, killing kennedy, i assume killing garfield. >> no. >> jon: the president or the cat, whichever you want to do. what is the next one.
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>> killing colbert. >> jon: oh that's not-- no. i cannot abide. you have stepped over the line, sir. >> i heard that he was your-- . >> jon: we're still going down saturday night. now you have angered me. now you have angered me. (cheers and applause) you have angered me. >> i heard he is your debate coach is that correct. >> jon: he is my debate coach. >> and he brought out a chicken last night. >> jon: i wanted to work on speed and chased the chick earn around the studio. and there was a bread hen and a does il one and it didn't go anywhere so it was easy. >> that is how you preparing for-- prepping for the rumble with colbert and a chicken. >> jon: yeah, that's right. that is how i prepare for most everything. >> and i'm supposed to be worried about that. >> jon: are you not supposed to be worried at all. will you not see it coming. will you be doing your thing and all of a sudden that chicken preparation is going to kick in and by the end of this, are you going to be saying my hoptorah you will not know what happened there. you just be up there-- what? >> i saw you on good morning america, you were on there,
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you were on there. >> this morning i what was there. >> jon: an lara spencer. >> the interviewee-- er. >> jon: she called you tiny and standardistic. >> small. she did dismiss me. >> i will-- i will grant you that. >> how are you training, what you are going, vegan what are you doing, vegan. >> vegan you don't care. >> jon: how are you training, are you preparing at all. >> we have a debate coach. professorer win cory. you know him. >> i do know him. >> and the audience truly, are you dealing with a different demographic. >> yeah, i know. i figured that. >> yeah. >> they are more cory feldman but it's all right. do what you have to do. >> you knew who he was. >> i knew who he was. >> when i say something that requires a frame of reference in the debate. >> jon: we will be, i will be on the same page as you, we are from similar generations, i may be one slightly removed from yours but i think we will be in the same frame of reference. i was referring to your audience which is obviously the one that won the war of
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1812. >> do you see me-- that-- do you see me as mitt romney is that how are you going to frame this now? >> no. >> jon: i see yous alike a wampa from star wars, i see yous alike an a bomb anybody snowman, all i have to do is get out of your peripheral vision and i should be fine. >> you're going to bob and weave. >> jon: i'm going say a bunch of stuff and are you just going to go aaaahh. o'reilly angry! and that's going to be it. you're going down. look, i think it's going to be fun. i think we will have a substantive discussion. what are the-- do you have topics that are prepared already. do you know what -- >> yeah, we're going to talk about my book. >> jon: no we're not. >> right. and then we're going to talk about your interview on good morning america where they called you tiny.
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>> jon: what did you think of, when you watched the debate, at what point in it did you know oh t this ain't his night this ain't-- this ain't happening for the president. did it click in immediately. >> the only thing, look, i'm jaded. i've seen these things since 1812. i have seen, you know, martin van burren really lit it up. he did not get the credit he deserved. the guy kicked butt, number 8. so what i couldn't understand, this is a serious point, remember the 47% remark, mitt romney said that 47% of the country, slackers, right. >> jon: slackers. >> they want stewart's money o riley's money. >> jon: can't convince them to take personal responsibility for their lives. >> would you think that barack obama would bring that up. >> jon: with you would think. >> right, to engage the 47% who don't want to be called slackers but who are. >> jon: not tone rage them, but to mobilize them. >> -- oh, i didn't see -- >> some of them are here tonight.
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>> jon: no but he didn't -- >> his strongest suit, we kept waiting, okay, what he is going hit him with. >> jon: do you think was strategy or do you think, it was a kind of a prevent defense kind of a thing that you thought he was doing or he really felt like he just didn't want to deal with that guy. will just make his case. >> i think mr. obama is so far ahead that he wanted to tighten up just to be exciting. just to create a little bit. >> jon: that's a very generous interpretation of that. >> he is so far out, it's like you know, you're in the third quarter, up by five touchdowns, just let them catch up and then we'll bang them. you. >> jon: you don't want to appear in any way greedy with your lead. you want to give a little back. so basically he's redistributing his lead. >> uh-huh, that's right. that's what he did. >> jon: very good. i find this whole thing together, and got you out on time. killing kennedy is on the book shelves now. please buy it because lord knows this man needs money. bill o'reilly. >> i have to get it
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captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh that's our show. at 11:00, and remember, the rumble, it's going to be at 8:00 p.m. saturday, eastern, he's going downtime. boom. >> my last point, will learn something every night on this show. and all these shows.


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